I have painted myself into a corner with the ending of this book. I had envisioned one final chapter and wanted to include another scene with Jude and the captors and was planning on having Chad and Daniella try out the ceremony to initiate her into the Gaia. But then I remembered that the ceremonies can only be done on the night of the full moon, and… that was the previous night. Aarg. So I’ve been worrying incessantly about how to handle the ending of this thing. I don’t want to have Jude captured and then rescued five minutes later, but I need a new scene in the interim. Anyway, long story short I stumbled across an interesting sounding candle ritual that I think my witches would use and I plan to include it instead. And hopefully everything will still wrap up nicely. Once again I don’t know if I’ll be able to pull it off by the arbitrary deadline I set for myself, but so far I have been pretty flipping proud of the way I’ve been able to pull off a chapter that I was happy with, even when I thought there was just no way it was going to happen.
I thought that by posting this novel online, chapter by chapter, I’d have a reason to hold myself accountable to get this thing done, and that I might be able to garner some helpful feedback along the way to the publishing house. But it has unfortunately brought out a side of myself that I didn’t realize existed. Sometimes I drive myself crazy worrying about how the latest chapter will be received and if anyone will like it. I have never been the type of person to worry so much about outcomes and in fact, being a parent has forced me to realize that we can’t control all outcomes, no matter how hard we try. I thought I had mastered that lesson, but I definitely haven’t.
Trying to make a name for myself as an author has made me realize that the search for perfection and notoriety in our endeavors can easily turn any one of us into MacBeth if we aren’t careful. And so I find myself constantly trying to step back, evaluate what’s really important, and in the end still send my work out into the world hoping that it’ll be well received, without beating myself up about it too much.
Either way, in the end I’ll be able to say that I put myself out there, stepped away from the wall for a few minutes and danced the dance. You just never know if you’ll be any good at dancing until you give it a try; or if people will point and laugh at what a crappy dancer you are, or if someone will join you and have the most amazing night ever. I just hope that, when it’s all said and done I’ll be able to say that it was all worth it and I won’t have developed any new neuroses that I didn’t already have, lol.
And hopefully the final chapter will come out well and be enjoyed.
If you’d like to check out the article on candle rituals, you can find it here. I thought it was fascinating and wanted to share it in case you might too-
Ritual Candles: Meaning, History, and How to Use Them Today – Ralph’s Orchard
If you haven’t had a chance to read the book and would like to check it out, you can find it here-
Everyday Witches 
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